Back to me

I felt like I have been on the edge for quite a while now and almost jumped off it when it was review time at work.  I got a not so nice review from my boss (who is no longer my boss) and things at home were getting a little tense.  I had pretty much shut down and was just going through the motions.  I just wanted to be left alone to do my thing the best I know how (still do).  Then vacation came.  Oh heavenly, long over due vacation.  There is absolutely nothing a road trip with my Pop that cannot be cured.  We packed up the Chevy and said “See ya” to California and drove up to Oregon for week long festivities of hot rod stuff, deep and light hearted conversations, as well some “A-Ha” moments on both parts (mostly mine).  Met up with old friends and checked out a jet boat tour that was absolutely fantastic.

After a much needed week and a half off, it was back to the same old routine.  But this time I feel so much better.  I am still closed off at work as it is best considering how I feel about things that have happened.  My personal life is much calmer now as well.  I am back to my goofy self with my husband and family, and they have really noticed the difference as well.  Have a new strategy with my trainer as far as eating and exercise go.  It’s not that I’m not shrinking, I am (lost 2 inches from the last time we did weight and measures) but am not losing weight just yet.  Which is fine, I feel a lot better and am even amazed I lost that considering I did almost nothing for a week and ate out that whole week as well.

But it’s time to step it all up and when I say all, I mean all.  Mental and physical.  I need to start working on me again.  I need to silence those little voices that tell me “what the hell were you thinking, that was stupid” when it comes to taking steps to better myself, “you are not as good as they say” when it comes to my job, and my favorite “you will never be a good as so-n-so”.  That one kills me.  I do have to admit that I impress the hell out of myself on occasion.  Like this weekend while doing yard work.  Turned out a lot better than I thought, I was impressed.  But at my job, I am always beating myself up and I really need to stop.  So it is my goal to end everyday as best as I can and with a “you rocked it today” attitude.  This is going to be easier said than done.  But I know I have in me to do this.