2015

This has been a very active year in more ways than one. We started it off by hiring a trainer, then getting married.  Ended it with my uncle and a lung surgery to remove cancer.  In the middle, I made a new friend, reconnected with old friends, even got to see and hang out with two of them.  Managed to complete four 5k races (one actual race day and three virtual), got a new boss, new car, lost my precious little black ninja kitty Bluka (still makes me sad about that one), my new mother in law passed away and my oldest niece got her first boyfriend.  It’s been a very eventful year.  When I look back on all of it, I see the changes within myself both good and bad.  Mostly good but some of the bad still needs to be worked on.

My patience have gotten thinner and my ability to keep my mouth shut is getting harder.  Which I know will get me in some serious trouble if I’m not careful.  I have also become selective with what I share and whom I share it with. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s a good thing.  I know I can have quite the attitude sometimes and need to get that in check.  Mostly on those days I just leave my headphones in and turn the world off as much as possible.

2016 is going to start off rather fun.  I did sign up for a Duathlon, but feel I am not ready, so my Du buddy and I are going to go hiking instead.  It was free to sign up so no money lost.  Am also going on our delayed honeymoon in February.  Cannot wait to see what this year brings.  I know that I will be focusing on better eating habits and there will be some job changes due to new regulations.  That will be exciting yet scary.  But I will get to learn new things.  Cheers to 2016, new year, new changes, new start and rolling with the punches!

Keep on Runnin

I am finding that the virtual 5k’s are more fun than the actual big race ones.  You have a week to complete them on your time, your own course.  But the actual big race ones are a lot of fun too.  I am just not too fond of big crowds.  But that also adds to the excitement.  I just completed a virtual Color Run and had more fun throwing color at my friend than the actual running part.  I told her that we need to end every run like that.  I have one more virtual 5k to do this year and then kick off 2016 with a Duathelon.  In March I have a Peace, Love, Run to do, then in June it’s a Bubble Run.  Who knows what else I will sign up for.

My training at the gym has been stepped up to now include some Crossfit stuff.  LOVE IT!!  I love it when the guys stop to stare at the gal flipping a tractor tire and carrying a 20lb ball of sand across the gym floor.  20lbs might not seem like a lot, but when you are tired from flipping a tractor tire, it’s a lot.  I am also really going to start focusing on my eating patterns and habits.  So the meal preps will begin.  The combing through the Weight Watchers cookbooks has begun again.  But am going to be serious about it this time.  Am also going to buckle down and get serious about my running.  I want to complete a 10k next and then move onto a 13 miler.  That would be a huge accomplishment for me.

 

Master Trainer has me doing a lot of endurance stuff, he said he’s going to make a running machine out of me yet.  So this is where the eating comes in.  Since Saturday nights are my date night with hubby, I figure that can be my cheat night, but nothing to crazy.  My oldest girlfriend has started her journey to lose weight and get healthy.  She keeps me inspired when I feel a slump coming on.  I’m really proud of her as she has lost 25 pounds so far.  She is truly an amazing person with a beautiful heart.  She keeps me from getting too callous at life and people.  I’m excited for her on many levels and am honored she’s sharing her journey with me.  She has many great things to come her way.  She has overcome so much in her life already and this is her time to shine and finally take care of herself.

5k Madness

I have my first 5k under my sneakers now.  I completed my first one in 43 minutes which is great.  Now I have challenged myself to see if I can beat it.  My girlfriend was with me on my first one and she encouraged me when she could tell I was getting tired.  I did my second one and it was great. It was a Run for the Boobies and done in honor of a friend’s wife who battled breast cancer and kicked its ass.  I have signed up for 2 more before the end of the year and a Duathlon January 2^nd (what was I thinking).  To kick off 2016 I found two more that I have a signed for as well.  Am thinking that it’s almost time to up it to a 10k instead.  We will see how we do on these next few coming up.  I am excited for the next two coming up as they are virtual runs.  So I can complete them on my own time and I now have a fancy (well not too fancy) heart monitor with a chest strap to keep me on track and meet some more goals.

Now with the weather getting colder, I like running outside more.  Something about the cold crisp air that just keeps me going.  The scenery is rapidly changing from the gorgeous fall colors to the dead of winter.  But with that dead comes new growth and with that comes beautiful change.  Am in love with the change.

Little Bits

Change is good

Due to recent events in my life, I have decided that change is/was needed.  So that’s what I have taken the steps to do.  I have re-evaluated some of the things and people in my life, and have come to the conclusion that some of the things I can do without or just not as often and some of the people are going to be limited to the happenings in my life.  I don’t look at this as a bad thing, I feel that this needs to be done once in awhile for a happier healthier me.

Comfort zones

I have always admired women who wear what they want regardless of the reactions they get.  I have almost always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal.  As for the gym, it’s always been tank top, black bottoms.  Never stray from the black bottoms.  Well last night I strayed and was a little afraid to leave the bathroom and walk out in public.  I had the song “Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini” going through my head.  She put on this bathing suit then ran for cover because of what others would say.

I took a deep breath, looked at my bracelet "Now or Never", then out the door I went.  Didn’t think anything of it really until I got the gym.  I was self conscious at first then started my work out and that’s when the self confidence came out.  I have a couple more patterned pants that I have always been afraid to wear, but after last night, not anymore.  It’s amazing what a change in the normal comfort zone can do for your self esteem.

 

Plank up – what the hell!!

I recently told my trainer that it was time to step it up again.  So he took that challenge and ran with it.  A plank up is a plank but push up style.  So you get in plank position, then lower yourself and back up into plank position.  The last few sessions of these I have felt like I needed to crawl back to my car.  But it’s the days after that really kick my ass.  He first pushed me to do 3 sets of 20 (was excited for the breaks in between).  Oh my hell I thought I was going to die.  They were hard and I didn’t think that I was going to be able to do the last five.  But I pushed through and then thought to myself that it was a piece of cake.  Then last night he challenged me to do a straight 50, no breaks in between just go.  Challenge accepted and Holy Hannah!  After I was done, I sat up, smiled and told him “piece of cake.”  He told me that is the most any of female clients have done and the new challenge has been set for 100.  Again, challenge accepted as I am no quitter.

 

 

Back to me

I felt like I have been on the edge for quite a while now and almost jumped off it when it was review time at work.  I got a not so nice review from my boss (who is no longer my boss) and things at home were getting a little tense.  I had pretty much shut down and was just going through the motions.  I just wanted to be left alone to do my thing the best I know how (still do).  Then vacation came.  Oh heavenly, long over due vacation.  There is absolutely nothing a road trip with my Pop that cannot be cured.  We packed up the Chevy and said “See ya” to California and drove up to Oregon for week long festivities of hot rod stuff, deep and light hearted conversations, as well some “A-Ha” moments on both parts (mostly mine).  Met up with old friends and checked out a jet boat tour that was absolutely fantastic.

After a much needed week and a half off, it was back to the same old routine.  But this time I feel so much better.  I am still closed off at work as it is best considering how I feel about things that have happened.  My personal life is much calmer now as well.  I am back to my goofy self with my husband and family, and they have really noticed the difference as well.  Have a new strategy with my trainer as far as eating and exercise go.  It’s not that I’m not shrinking, I am (lost 2 inches from the last time we did weight and measures) but am not losing weight just yet.  Which is fine, I feel a lot better and am even amazed I lost that considering I did almost nothing for a week and ate out that whole week as well.

But it’s time to step it all up and when I say all, I mean all.  Mental and physical.  I need to start working on me again.  I need to silence those little voices that tell me “what the hell were you thinking, that was stupid” when it comes to taking steps to better myself, “you are not as good as they say” when it comes to my job, and my favorite “you will never be a good as so-n-so”.  That one kills me.  I do have to admit that I impress the hell out of myself on occasion.  Like this weekend while doing yard work.  Turned out a lot better than I thought, I was impressed.  But at my job, I am always beating myself up and I really need to stop.  So it is my goal to end everyday as best as I can and with a “you rocked it today” attitude.  This is going to be easier said than done.  But I know I have in me to do this.

Pavement or Dirt

Way back when I was in junior high my sisters and I did cross country running for our after school sport and we kicked ass.  We were consistently in the top 5 and it was great.  Come high school though we had other things to get into so we didn’t do it.  Now almost 19 year’s later (eek I just dated myself) I am getting back into it, loving every moment of it.  In September I have my first 5k.  This is the first one that I have done in a few years that is not the kiddie course or have obstacles to play on. Don’t get me wrong, those were really fun because I was doing them with my nieces.  But this one is for me.  To prove that I do still have it.

While I’m training to get my ass back into shape to be able to actually run the full 3.5 miles I have been plagued by really sore hip joints the day after running. Shin splints are much more tolerable than hip joint pain.  At least to me they are, and my shin muscles are getting stronger so it’s not bad anymore.  But the hip pain…Holy Hannah!!  Sundays are usually my rest days, but since I was frustrated with hubby I decided to go for a run.  I started out walking to get the blood flowing and all warmed up then started my running route.  I have discovered that I actually run better and longer on dirt than on pavement.  This brings me back to my cross country days as the scenery is much better on dirt trails than pavement and you get to jump over tree roots and rocks.  That is just fun and adds a bit of a challenge as you try to not trip.  I’ve noticed my body is getting stronger each time I go out.  It is also fueling my old desire to get out and run more.  Sunday I was proud of myself as I ran a total of 1.5 miles out of the full 4 mile route I chose. 

Not too shabby for a gal that just started a little over a month ago and could barely run 20 feet without feeling like I was going to pass out from breathing so hard.  The best part about it is my hip joints barely hurt the next day unlike when I run on pavement.  So from now on, I will be running on dirt or grass, exploring the horse trails and staying off the pavement unless there is no other option.  I can deal with the pain later as it’s usually nothing a hot bath can’t cure.

So mad at myself

So last night was weight and measurement night.  I usually get nervous on these nights as I don’t want to see the results.  But sometimes it’s not that bad.  Well, except for last night.  I was doing great.  I was eating like I was supposed to and exercising my ass off (it was shrinking).  And then…WHAM!!  I was so disappointed with myself last night.  I could tell Master Trainer was disappointed as well. 

I kept up the exercise and was slowly starting to get back into my old eating habits.  During the week it’s super easy, I can control it.  But it’s the weekends that I have issues with now.  I guess I still have the mentality of “I can eat anything and work it off later”.  Okay, that’s fine but I’m not 20 something anymore and I can’t eat just anything and work it off later.  The weekends are going to a huge challenge as everybody slacks off on the weekends.  It’s a given.  Weekends are time to relax, enjoy and just go with it.  I stay active, but don’t eat well enough for my body to start dropping like it should have done already.  As my trainer put it, my body is happy where it’s and doesn’t want to change.  And why should it if I don’t force it too.

So tonight the fridge gets purged and my beloved husband can have his chocolate and sweet things as long as it stays off of my shelf.  Out go the sweet thing and in come the healthy fruits and veggies.  I’m thinking maybe we should put the sweet stuff in the garage fridge and the healthy stuff in the house so that way I have to really think about it and if it’s worth the time to go out there when I can grab a snack right then.  That might be a good idea.  Will have to think this one over.

Let's start from the beginning

It’s a very good place to start (Sound of Music is stuck in my head now).  I have always had a distorted body image, but then again who doesn’t.  Even when I was a size 2, I thought I was fat.  Its amazing things you hear as a child that roll over into adulthood and you still believe it even people tell you different.  It’s those stinky little voices that just won’t be quiet.

My sisters and I were always active kids, but then again growing up in the country there was so much to get into.  Didn't do much in grade school, but we always kicked ass in the physical fitness tests.  Junior high we got into cross country and did well in that, but were not able to keep our grades up enough to continue doing it.  Then we moved and were so bored the first summer we were at our new house.  We went from almost 10 acres of playground to just 1 and didn't know anybody.  Once school started, we made new friends and found some amazing swimming holes that we had to hike too.  It was the best of both worlds.  Hiking and swimming all day?  Sign me up!! Didn't get into sports in high school though. 

Junior/Senior year in high school my dad and I got really into bike riding on the weekends.  We were up to 100 miles easily.  My mother was afraid that he was pushing me too much so we both backed off and it made me sad as I loved every minute of it.  Then just stopped altogether.   After I graduated from college, I joined a gym and went faithfully every day after work.  I felt great about myself and started to look fantastic too.  Or so I thought until my brother-in-law that I love dearly told me that I was getting too skinny and needed to back off just a little bit.  And then I got in a car accident (one of many and non were serious, just another rear ender to add to my resume) and the doctor told me that he didn’t want me to go for a bit as I needed to do physical therapy instead and he didn’t want me to injure myself further.  So I took that as a sign to just not go.  So that’s what I did.

After a couple years, I piggy backed onto my father’s gym membership at a completely different gym and fell in love with it again.  But didn’t go nearly as often as the first go around, but I still went.  Then it became an off and on love.  Go for a while, do really good then not go.  This repeated itself for a long time until I finally just stopped going.  But I stayed (or tried to) fairly active.  I would go for walks around my neighborhood or take the occasional spur of the moment hike on some trail somewhere.  I wasn't completely sedentary. 

January this year I decided to get my ass back into shape and hired a trainer.  My sister was the inspiration that I needed to really do it.  So I started changing my eating habits and was doing well.  Could have done better but hey everybody starts somewhere.  And it’s been proven if you try to make too many huge changes at once, you fail at them all.  But it was when I got married at the end of February and saw what I looked like at my ceremony that I really got that swift kick in the ass to really bear down and do it.  I was over weight and out of shape (still am).  How the hell did that happen?  I was doing great for quite a while.  I was working out 4-5 days a week, eating as best as I could and even wrote everything down.  Well, that 4-5 days a week turned into 3-4 and my eating was starting to slip a little.  Then I decided to sign up for a 5k in September.

I asked one my girlfriends (who is always road biking, mountain biking, running in duathelons, marathons and whatever else she can get into) to join me and to also help train me.  She’s an amazing person.  She’s lost over 100 pounds on her own and is so driven, she inspires me.  She gladly accepted and this is what we do now on Monday nights.  So now I only go to the gym 2 nights a week and that’s when I meet with my trainer.  My eating is slipping and I’m trying so hard to keep everything on track.  I still write everything down that I eat and drink.  Not only does it look bad on paper, but I am started to feel terrible again.  I enjoyed having energy and being pain free from sitting all day. 

I have never had to worry about these things since I was lucky when I was younger to have a fast metabolism and be naturally skinny (don’t know why I thought I was fat).  So now that I am older I have to watch what I eat and how much.  I have always been fairly active to a point, but the need has come back to get back into bike riding, the gym and running.  I did all of these things at one point in my life and really want to get back into it.  I know where there is a will, there is a way.  I am finding my way and am excited to have a new journey in life.  Being newly married I was afraid that I was going to lose identity that I had for so long.  I didn’t want to lose me.  But my husband is an amazing man and encourages me to do what makes me happy. 

Some things I have slowly given up or at least don’t do them as often anymore like my Dimple music runs, and I’m okay with that.  Those who know me, know that I have more than enough music to last through a Zombie Apocalypse, but I still do them.  I just don’t go in with a huge list anymore.  It’s only 3-4 now instead of 10.  I now have to get the courage to do the “before” picture which I am dreading, but want to do it.  I have the exercise part down pretty well I believe, it’s the other part that comes with it that I now understand why people say that is the hardest part.  Cheers to a new journey in life!!

New Journeys, challenges and sadness

I have started a new journey of getting myself healthier.  I guess you could say this has been inspired by a couple things.  One being I sit all day and am tired of hurting from it, so I have decided to do something about that.  I got a stability ball to sit on at work and go between that and my chair.  It seems to help.  The second one being I am tired of being tired all the time and don’t like the way I look anymore.  I used to be so active, I don’t know what happened.  So I have decided to fix that as well.  The third one is the inspiration I have gotten from my sister.  She’s been going to her trainer for almost a year now and looks fantastic.  Every time I see her she looks even better.  So these three things combined have kicked my ass into gear to hire a trainer and get my shit together again.  I have been changing my eating habits and can’t say I no longer eat crap, but it’s a lot less frequent.  Instead of going for the chocolate donuts at night, I go for the sweet baby carrots instead. 

I made this decision 3 weeks ago and have to say it’s the best decision I have made yet.  I didn’t feel guilty about hiring my trainer since I no longer have credit card payments and don’t have a car payment.  So I looked at it as paying off one of my old credit cards.  And I love my trainer, he’s funny and very encouraging.  When I do certain exercises on my own I can hear him in my head “suck it in and butt butt butt”

Challenges
The new roommate is leading to some discouraging challenges.  I like him, he’s a nice enough guy.  Narcissistic, but nice.  Craig and I had two weeks together in our new home.  I was excited that Ryan got a new room he could decorate how he wanted and we had a whole house to ourselves.  Just us with the occasional Ryan.  Life was going to be great.  Yeah, not so much.  I mean life is still great with Craig, just have the roommate who screwed up his life living with us now.  It’s been a little over a month now and he still has no clue what he’s going to do.  He thinks he is just going to hang out here until he and the wife figure out their relationship.  In the beginning I was like “okay then we will put his ass to work”  and now it’s like “oh look he’s home, there goes my quiet night with Craig.” 

I don’t know if Craig has spoken with him about how long he thinks he will be here or what he plans on doing, but I’m thinking if he’s going to be hanging out here, then he’s going to be paying a portion of all bills as it’s not fair to Craig and I to pay for everything while he gets the free ride.  He does the occasional cooking and grocery shopping, that ‘s it.   Have no idea how much bills would have gone up because we haven’t been able to judge that. I do know that I am dreading the water bill that is coming up.

Sadness
Two weeks ago my beloved sweet little girl Bluka went missing.  At first it was both of my furbabies, but I got Fabio back due to being persistant with the neighbor who’s garage he was locked in.  How she could not hear him meowing or said she didn’t, but I was pushy with her and she finally let me in so I could get him out and bring him home.   I was so happy to have one back and the search began for the second.  I walked the neighborhood so much that first Saturday and Sunday calling her name but nothing.  Did the same thing that first week, put up flyers that she was missing, stalked the lost pet websites and still nothing.  Week 2 came and went, Craig took down the flyers and all I can do is hold out hope that she will come home and wherever she may be that she is warm, has food and water and is being loved.  I get mad at myself thinking I shouldn’t have let her out that Thursday night and she would still be home.  Fabio is bored and he keeps checking the house for her. I tell him every time he goes outside to not come home without her.  I did get him microchipped so if he does he get lost again I have a better chance of finding him.  I miss my sweet little spastic girl.