As the stomach turns - episode 2

So last night I received a text message from the lovely credit card people telling me that my payment was 11 days late.  Umm like hell it was.  This was the casualty card from the post office mistake.  I called them, made a payment over the phone and apparently they didn't get in their system correctly.  So I had the woman on the phone last night repeat it back to me 4 different times to make sure she had it correct.  They are going to waive the returned check fee (how nice of them considering it was their mistake) and not charge a late fee (again, how nice).  The phone call ended with "Have a nice day ma'am" and me popping off with "I don't know where you are at, but it's night time here.  So I will have a nice night."  I know what you are saying "Did she have to be such a bitch about it?"  Considering the history of this card, yes.  Unfortunately the woman on the other end got the brunt of my frustrations and for that I do feel bad.

After that phone call, I had a meltdown.  Not quite full blown, but it was close.  Not understanding what I did to deserve this and why am I being tested.  Normally a hot bath would be mellow me out, but not last night.  Had a glass of wine, that didn't work.  Tried to listen to Pandora station of Lisa Hannigan, but that didn't work either. Not because I was wound up, but because a lot of the artists were new to me and I really liked them so I had to shut it off.  So there I lay with my two cats and brain just spinnin with the evil little voices.  You know the ones that come back to haunt you.  The ones that just won't be quiet and keep saying all kinds of negative things.  Things that were told to you from others that stuck. 

I have tried to talk to my sisters, but they never have time it seems and that just adds to my frustrations.  Craig tries to understand and I love him for that.  So he got an earful of what probably sounded like babble to him Friday night.  When I do talk and say how I feel or what I think I get the response of "You sound just like mother" or that I am being a bitch so anymore I just keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself.  Sleep is something I am getting little of these days due to those evil little voices. But I know things will get better.  Just have to keep telling myself that and keep my sanity for as long as I can.  Try to not have anymore meltdowns for fear of the next one might have a massive clean up that follows and I will get mad all over again because I have to replace the stuff I broke.  I'm trying to get myself out of debt, not stay in it.

I know there is a light somewhere.  I catch glimmers of it once in awhile.  Setbacks are expected, but at this point in my life seem nontolerable.  My patience are getting thin and I'm getting weary.  Maybe it's from lack of sleep, maybe it's from years of dealing with this. Who knows.  All I know right now is that I really miss my sisters and sleep would be nice too.

Blah

So after a disaster with the Post Office sending my mail back due to a mistake on their part, and an argument with the credit card people because a statement wasn’t received (only find out it was the casualty of the Post Office mistake), I’ve been super stressed about finances and trying to get stuff taken care of and done.  The credit card that was sent back has been a major thorn in my side for quite a while.  And has cause many sleepless nights as well.  This week has been no exception.  I am over it.  I cannot, do not want to pay on the damn thing anymore.  The story behind this credit card is a long one and every time I think about it, it pisses me off to no end. 

So with the help and food for thought from April, I applied for 0% interest for 18 months in hopes that I could transfer the balance and just be done with it, but a glitch in the plan…can’t do same company to same company (insert colorful language here).  But where there is a will there is a way and it will be figured out.  But in the meantime, I am going to use that offer to my advantage and pay off the only credit card I have.  Well used to have only one.  So the new one will be tucked away in a safe place so I don’t use it and will more than likely do the same thing with the other one so I don’t use it either unless it’s an emergency.  I want to be as debt free as I possibly can be.  Almost there, just need to keep plugging along.  In the meantime, I’m trying to not lose my mind and keep the little voices at bay.

Getting back on track

 

This year is going to be different in a lot of ways.  I feel it way down in my bones.  One of the ways that is going to be different is my health. I've let myself slide these past few years and every once in awhile I get the bug to do something about it but haven't stuck to it.  No more, so I downloaded an app awhile ago called Lose It.  This was by suggestion of April.  So I started using it, and lost it.  Lost it by not using it that is.  I have made the firm decision to get my butt back into the gym.  I’m sick of being tired all the time. I also need an outlet to keep my anxiety and stress levels at bay.   Craig loves me just the way I am, but he also knows that I am not happy with myself right now.  So I’m going to fix it. I pretty much have the eating thing down and just have to keep logging it in my cute little app so I really can Lose It and keep it lost.  My goal is to be able to do a 3k by the time Foam Fest comes back around in September because it was so fun last year even though I just did the Kiddie Route with my nieces.  I do know that Emily would be motivated enough to do the 3k, not sure about Autumn but she would have it in her to do it if sister was doing it with her.  Also watching Biggest Loser has inspired me to get up off the couch.  So CHEERS!!  Here’s to a happier, healthier new me and a new year with wonderful things to come.

Tid Bits

BLUKA

If you have watched Young Frankenstein you will know that there is a character played by Cloris Leachman that goes by the name Frau Blücher.   It’s a great Mel Brooks movie, so if you haven’t seen it you really should.  I learned about Kitty from a friend who had her in a small dog kennel/crate in her bedroom.  Kitty was born in August, but by looking at her you wouldn’t believe that she is 5 months old as she looks younger than that she’s so little.  I decided to rescue Kitty and give her a better life than a kennel/crate in a bedroom with little interaction.  Off to Petsmart I went to get a carrier for her.  I didn’t want to use Fabio’s as he was going to be pinchy enough with a newbie in the house, and it’s nice to have two so I don’t have to cram them both in one.  Fabio is a big boy, not fat, just big. 

Kitty didn’t have a name at all, so I decided to name her Bluka in reference to the Young Frankenstein character.  Bluka is quite the little character herself.  She makes a little purring noise when she’s playing almost like she’s talking,  she’s not sure about the cuddling thing but when she does get a little bit of loves she is quiet the little lovebug.  She is not sure what to think of Fabio just yet, so she hisses and growls at him.  But they will be buds soon enough.  Fabio is more curious about her and what she is doing in his house.  She gets her first round of kitty shots and a well kitty check up on Saturday.  Hopefully she will get a passing grade. Not sure if she’s old enough to be fixed yet, but we will consult the vet on that.

 PARKING LOT RAGE

 I would like to say that I can control my temper in all situations, but sadly that’s not true.  Saturday as I was leaving the store, I was waiting for traffic to clear so that I could go. I looked left, right then left again and saw an older Dodge tailgate headed straight for my car.  I laid on my horn, the guy behind me was on his and there was woman off to the side yelling to stop she was going to hit a car.  As soon as she finally saw me, it was too late.  She hit my car L  I put it in park, got out to check out the damage and ripped into the driver of the Dodge.  I mean, let her have it almost screaming at her.  She looked shocked (I think I scared her), the guy behind me was wide eyed and the woman was also.  I said my piece and got back into the car.  Thankfully there was no major damage.  The mark that is left can be rubbed out with rubbing compound.  I hate parking lots anyways.  I feel all common sense goes right out the window when people enter a parking lots and it becomes a free for all. 

 

2 YEARS

Two years ago today I moved into my home.  It’s been fun and a little frustrating at times.  But I wouldn’t trade being a home owner for renting if I can help it.  It’s wonderful, it’s all mine and I can do whatever I want to it and have as many pets as my neighbors and I can tolerate…and county regulations allows.

Top Ten

Music is my escape from the bullshit in life ~ Anonymous~

Here are my top 10 songs for 2012.  This is not in any particular order and was much harder than I thought it was going to be.  I’m going to write down my favorite songs from the cd’s that I acquire going forward so it won’t be so painful next time.  Who knows, it just might turn into a Top 50 or 150. Heck let's go for 275 just to be different. 

 

 

Florence and the Machine:  What the Water Gave Me
Album: Ceremonials

I love this song and it gives me chills when I hear it.  I first discovered Florence and the Machine from their song Kiss with A Fist.  It was love at first listen, and a continued love.  She is brilliant and one of those artists that is just out of the mainstream enough to not get sick of hearing.

 

Lanie Lane: Betty Baby
Album: To the Horses

I stumbled across the album by sheer luck.  I was checking out another artist and went down to the “See what others like” section and there she was.  The search began and I was bummed when I found out that she was only available in Australia.  I was able to order it though and when it came in it was like an early Christmas.  Since Craig was so nice to go pick it up for me, he thought I was a little crazy when he handed it to me and the biggest Chesire Cat grin came across my face.  It was money well spent.

 

Steve Earle: Waitin’ on the Sky to Fall
Album: I’ll Never Get Out of this World Alive

This album was one of my Dimple discoveries.  I was in one night browsing and they played a different song from this album, so I had to know who it was as I liked it so much.  Clearly I was not disappointed.  I adore this song and since it’s fitting for the 3 times we were supposed to blow up this year, it makes more sense.  “Chicken Little wasn't makin' nothin' but noise Waitin' on the sky to fall” pretty much sums this one up.

 

Zac Brown Band: Let It Go
Album: Uncaged

Zac Brown Band is just fun anyways.  Fun songs that you can sing along to and make for great road trip music.  It was very hard to pick just one, but I did it (aren’t you proud).  This song means a lot to me in so many ways and is so true.  “You keep your heart above your head and your eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold.  And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean

Save your strength for things that you can change.  Forgive the ones you can't.   You gotta let 'em go”  I listen to this repeatedly at work.

Fun: Some Nights
Album: Some Nights

Who doesn’t like a band named Fun.  This song always catches my attention when it comes on either the radio, iPod or the cd.  It’s just a great song to play loud and sing louder.

 

Metric: Youth without Youth
Album: Synthetica

This band is underrated in my opinion.  They are talented and have great songs.  Youth without Youth is violent if you pay attention to the lyrics.  It’s a twisted game of cat and mouse while being destructive.  But the music behind the lyrics is fantastic and is a favorite on my gym playlist and hard to not turn up and sing while on the treadmill.  So I just do it in the car.

 

 

Aerosmith : Out Go the Lights
Album: Music from Another Dimension

Do I really need to explain this one?  They are my boys, enough said.

 

 

Foxy Shazam:  Wasted Feelings
Album: Welcome to the Church of Rock-n-Roll

It’s been said that that the lead singer Eric is the new Freddie Mercury from Queen.  I almost have to agree with that.  When you listen to them you can hear the Queen influence as well as a few other bands. They are trying to bring back the brass into music as they say, brass is too cool to not include.  This one pretty much holds true that we waste feelings on a person that doesn’t deserve them.  BUT eventually we all find somebody that does deserve those feelings and returns them.

 

 

Halestorm: Call me a Bitch like it’s a Bad Thing
Album: The Strange Case of

Thanks to a lot of events in my life I’m pretty thick skinned.  Yes, there are days when stuff gets to you.  But anymore it rolls.  I’ve always taken being called a Bitch as compliment. People think it offends me but it doesn’t.  I have no room in my life for the fake, manipulative, ignorant and just plain mean people of this world.

 

 

The Gossip: Involved
Album: A Joyful Noise

I read a review about this band in one my many music magazines and had to laugh.  As the review went a little something like this “It’s a dance banger that will make you sweat your tits off”.  With a review like that, who wouldn’t want to check it out.  So I did and fell in love with Beth Ditto’s voice.  This particular song though was my anthem for a relationship that I was in.  As the lyrics go “I liked you so much I turn a blind eye You were on my mind 90% of the time The laws of attraction can be unkind Or too kind, a fine line I was spending my days forgetting the nights You were MIA and out of sight A bad mistake and that's putting it nice It's true right”  But we all have those relationships where we are not in love with the person, we are just involved with them in some way.  Even if it’s just one of convenience for the other person.