Back to the old drawing board?

I had a dream about a week ago that Craig and I had split up.  So the following morning did my usual of sending him a Have a great day Love you and told him about my dream and asked if we were okay.  He said he needed some space.  I was a little set back by that as we only see each other once a week due his crazy work schedule and talk for only 15-20 minutes at night.  But he wants his space, I will give him space.  Now the callous side of me is saying “whatever.”  The other side of me is saying “he’s really stressed at work, this will pass just hang in there.”

So I figure while he’s doing whatever it is he needs to do, I will get back to basics and get my ass back to the gym, delve back into my music hobby, devote more time to my blog, get going on my house projects that have been put on the back burner and spend much needed time with friends and family.  I don’t know how long he is going to need and I can’t guarantee I will be around when he does figure out whatever it is that he needs to.  That’s the part that breaks my heart.  We’ve been together for a little over a year and I don’t want to give up on him.  At the same time I’m hoping he doesn’t give up on me, on us.  I’ve waited for our relationship, been through a lot of assholes and dating horror stories (although they are funny now).  I don’t want to just walk away.  Now I know what some people are thinking “I would just leave blah blah blah”.  But those are also the same people that would be quick to divorce as soon as something goes wrong and that’s just not my style.  Not every relationship is perfect everybody has their ups and downs.  This just happens to be our down.  So I will just kick back and relax as best as I can until whatever is meant to happen happens.

Too much for one weekend

Last week was quite the week.  I started it off with a bang and ended with one (and not in a good way).  Work was interesting, busy and a tad bit on the stressful side.  I tried hard to hide the grumpy, but don’t think it worked out quite so well.  The two things I was excited about last week was spending time with my sister on Wednesday night and then talking to Craig after work.  He always makes things better…well not last week.  Friday was a good day, finally had a little time to breathe while at work.  5pm rolls around and it’s WOO HOO WE ARE FREE!!!  3 day weekend, this is going to be great.  I had plans to go grocery shopping and Saturday I was going to go down to Craig’s early and surprise him by having dinner in the oven when he got home from work.  Then the plan was derailed. 

I was coming up to the stop light and noticed 2 cars on the light rail tracks and one car sitting at the crosswalk.  I thought to myself “look at the dumbass sitting on the tracks, don’t they know better?”  so I stopped what I thought was far enough back just in case the crossing arms decided to come down it would give them enough room to back up.  Well sure enough the lights started blinking and the crossing arms started coming down.  Before I knew it was looking at the backend of a Toyota 4 Runner as she backed right into me.  I could not believe what just happened.  I had a bad week and then this.  She felt bad for what happened and I was going into hysterical mode and couldn’t even remember how to use my phone to call my sister.  Since she wasn’t answering her phone, I called my brother in law.  Thankfully he answered and I spoke to him.  We moved our mess to the parking lot across the street and exchanged information.  She offered to wait while my family was on the way, but I told her it wasn’t necessary that I would be okay. 

She asked that I call her once they arrived so she knew I was okay.  Once Mike got there, I broke down again.  But did call her to let her know that they had arrived and I was okay.  I also let Craig know that I wouldn’t be down as I didn’t want to go anywhere just wanted to go home.  All in all it could have been worse.  The airbag didn’t go off, we both walked away with no injuries and as I told her, I would much have her hit me than get creamed by a train.  She did send me a text on Saturday asking how I was doing. If I had felt like I had been hit by a train (bad joke).  But we were both just a little stiff and sore. Claim has been filed with the insurance. Ironically we both have the same insurance company.  So it’s up to them to duke it out now.  Car is over at the body shop for repairs and I have a pretty Blue Volkswagon Jetta for a bit.

Saturday morning Bluka had a vet appointment as she was wheezing and coughing, so to be safe I took her in for a checkup.  Well, a few chest x-rays and a bottle of antibiotics later she has Bronchitis.  So she gets medicine once a day for 4 days, then twice a week with a follow up appointment.  I’m thinking I got her taken care of then Fabio starts throwing up. Which with him, I’m thinking it’s something he ate because there was chunks of what I think were other animal in it.  Who knows.  All I know if that I almost threw up cleaning it.  So I was at home this weekend with two sick kitties,  a sore/stiff neck and upper back.  ONLY to throw in there no phone call, text NOTHING from Craig on Sunday or yesterday until I reached out to him.  I’m getting to that part

I spoke to Craig on Saturday after he got home and the phone call ended with “I will talk to you tomorrow”.  Okay fine, I had a headache and just wanted to go lay down anyways.  But ended up crying myself to sleep Saturday night.  Sunday morning I looked like hell, but  I spent the morning cleaning the house and making my guest room as cozy as I could, but not too cozy.  I was hoping that Craig would come up after the week I had I just wanted to spend some time with him and just be.  But I got nothing.  No phone call, no text.  A big fat zero zilch nada NOTHING.  I looked at it as a reminder as to why I am the strong independent woman that I am and why I was single for so long.  Sometimes I just feel better off that way and this was one of those times.  Sunday night came with still no word from him, so again I went to sleep feeling alone.  But I knew I wasn’t, as I have the love and support from my family.  Roxane came up and we took the nieces to Apple Hill for a few hours, then Roxane and I went to lunch.  I always feel better when I’m with my sisters. 

Not being able take it anymore and I told him that I needed to know he would be there for me no matter what.  Meaning, I really needed him this weekend and he was being one with the couch.  He translated my “I don’t want to play anymore” comment into I wanted to be alone so that’s what he did.  We did talk and he apologized, but it still doesn’t make it any better.  It’s been a weekend of ups and downs, one that I really don’t want to ride anymore.  But it can only get better from here and I’m strong enough to wade my way through the muck and persevere.    My bank account though, is a completely different story.

Try to not panic

There are certain things about myself that I do realize and would like to change, but don’t think it’s possible.  For example, when somebody is sick I try to not be so callous.  But when you grow up in a house with a couple of hypochondriacs it’s really hard to not be callous.  Another really good example is what happened on Friday. 

My sister called me around 2:30ish to let me know there was a fire in my area and they were evacuating.  My first thought was “don’t panic, it will be okay”.  Then as I was talking to her I pulled up the local news website and read the article and too late, panic was starting to set in.  She sent my brother in law over to see if he could get through to pack up the furry children (Fabio and Bluka, my kitties) but he was unable to get through.  So I went tearin’ out of work. While still obeying the speed limits but at the same time wanting everybody to get out of my way, not quite road rage but almost, it was the longest drive of my life.  Once I got up to my area, I was shaking so bad and trying hard to keep it together. The fear of the unknown is the worst feeling anybody could possibly have.  The Sheriff wasn’t letting anybody back, even the back way was blocked off.  So I figured I would walk back as far as I could.  While trying to not panic.

I spoke to a few different people along the way and each one had a conflicting story which wasn’t making my brain relax, just putting it into more of a panic.  Finally, I spoke to a retired fire fighter who was sitting in his spot for about 4 hours. After speaking with him I felt a little bit better.  But I still wanted to get back to my house to see for myself that everything was going to be okay.  On my way back to my car, I spoke with Craig and he was trying to keep me calm by telling me everything was going to be okay, the cats were okay and to just wait it out.  But did I feel better? NO!!  So I went to wait it out at my sister’s house about 10 minutes away.  My sister and I would take a trips back to see if they would let us in and still no.  So we drove up to the high school where it started to check that out. 

My theory is this. Some kids were up at the tennis courts where the fire started and they were smoking.  Saw a teacher and threw the cigarettes down so they didn’t get caught.  Then BLAMO instant fire.  Now I could be wrong, but where those tennis courts are at is a great spot to go.  Heck I would if I went to that school and smoked.  Anyways, I was finally able to get home around 8pm Friday night and thankfully everything was okay.  I called the kitties and it was the happy reunion.  They smelled like campfire, but they were alright, which was my biggest concern.  Initially I thought that the fire had been stopped a mile from my house, I was wrong.  It was stopped about a ½ mile away.  Quite a few people had their backyards scorched and some awnings burnt.  If it wasn’t for a lot of garden hoses and those manning those garden hoses there are a lot of houses that would not be there.  One house was lost in the mess and another had their car melted.  A total of 116 acres had burned.  It’s all black and bleek right now but come spring time, it will allow for new growth and be all pretty again.

Still can't get through

Finally can get home, this is what I saw

Toasty

Passenger side of the vehicle is melted

 

One Year

 

Graffiti Night is this Saturday and it’s a family affair of fun, raffle prizes and hopefully awards for Doug and Dad again this year.  It will also be Craig and I’s first anniversary together.  Yes, a year ago I met my beloved Craig.  He is everything I have held out for.  Yes I could have settled and been miserable, but I chose not to.  I chose to hold out and wait for my other half.  I always said that I would rather be alone than in a relationship and miserable.  Life is too short and I know too many people who have seemed to have settled instead of waiting.  I was happy and single.  Whenever I was asked “no kids, never been married what’s wrong with you” I’d always come back with a snotty little comment like “you’re divorced what’s wrong with you” or my favorite “I don’t want to be with an asshole like yourself.”  I didn’t need anybody to complete me, my world to revolve around or theirs to revolve around me.  I wanted somebody to add to my happy and yet still have their friends and little life outside of coupledom.  And it has been happened.  We don’t fight, we talk things out.

We both have a great sense of humor and are able to laugh at what life has to throw at us.  But there are times when things seem overwhelming, that’s just how life works.  Our relationship is relatively drama free.  Granted we do have our few moments (3 to be exact), but I have learned it’s best to just not say anything and walk away. Talk when you’re mellow.  We are one of those disgustingly cute hand holding couples that actually enjoy each other’s company.  I don’t ever think “ugh I have to drive to Elk Grove again?”  I get excited to see him and actually don’t mind the drive at all.  He is a great dad to his son, a hard worker with his job and is a bit old fashioned which I love.  He does a lot of the little things that matter the most and I do them in return.  He is quite awesome in my eyes and I do love him with all my heart and then some.  I can’t wait to see what our life has to hold together.  Through good times and bad we will see each other through it.

I know being single sucks and after a certain age there seems to be a certain stigma that comes with it.  Especially if you don’t have children or have never been married.  But there is also something to be said for it.  You learn to deal with yourself, your thoughts and self entertainment.  Doing things on your own can be good therapy and you gain self confidence.  I’ve driven to and around Arizona, lots of trips to San Francisco and road trips to nowhere in particular.  Met a lot of cool interesting people and loved every minute of it.  You are on your own schedule and it’s fantastic.  So go take a last minute “me” road trip, take in the sights and sounds and meet new people.  Just be sure to let somebody know where you end up just in case something happens.  Go be one with yourself and when the right one comes along you will know.  Until then don’t settle, life it way to short.

Putting things in Perspective

Yesterday I found out that a good friend of the family is in UCD Burn Center with 2^nd and 3^rd degree burns on 90% of his body.  This happened 2 weeks ago.  He was working in his shop when something went horribly wrong and he was on fire then thrown in the river to extinguish the flames.  He’s lucky to be alive and his head was the part not burnt.  After hearing this last night I was numb.  It really puts things in perspective as to how precious life really is.  Although he is a very strong person and I have no doubt that he will pull through this while keeping his witty humor.  It’s still going to be a long painful road ahead of him.  He has a lot of friends and family that care deeply about him and he will need this support while he does what he needs to do.

All of your problems and mine seem really trivial compared to what lays ahead for my friend.  So grab your loved ones, hold them tight and tell them how you much you love them.  They might not be here tomorrow.  You don’t want to carry regrets of whatever the last thing you said to them was unless it was something positive.  I know too many people that wish they can take back those last spoken words and say something different.

Warning - spider story at the end

Hummingbird Action

I have two Hummingbird feeders – one in a tree and the other by the flowers in the backyard.  Normally when I go out to water the flowers, there are two Hummingbirds that come around to say hi and get a drink from the feeder.  There I was sitting there watching the little party at the feeder and thought I would try to take a picture of them.  Since they are so quick and cell phone cameras aren’t, I didn’t think it was going to work.  But I got this way cool picture of the little guy going between the lanterns.

 

 

 

Redneck Paradise

Last year I had set up my Redneck Paradise in the backyard.  Complete with sand chairs in the pool and solid chair for a side table. This year, I took it indoors.  That’s right I’m living the dream of having an indoor pool.  The outdoor pool had holes in it, so it had to be recycled.  But I can always go get another one.  So then I will really be living the dream of both and indoor and outdoor pool.

 

Cat-Face Spider (not for those freaked out by spiders)

I was doing some yard work Saturday morning and walked right through a spider web.  Normally this doesn’t bother me, but it was as strong as a Black Widow so it kind of startled me a little bit.  I looked around for the source of the web and saw this funky looking spider in the corner of the patio cover.  So naturally I had to call Michele and she came over with the girls to inspect this way cool spider.  Michele said that I should look up the Cat-Face Spider.  So Emily looked it up when she got home and found out it was the Cat-Face Spider.  Fully stretched out, it was probably about 2-3 inches, maybe a little bit longer.

According to Colorado State University - One of the most common but unusual spiders people encounter late in the season is the cat-face spider, Araneus gemmoides. It tends to make its webs near lights and in corners along the outside of buildings. Full-grown females can be quite large and have a combination of odd projections on the abdomen as well as dark indentation markings that some say resemble the ears and eyes of a cat.

Despite their large size and bizarre appearance, cat-face spiders are harmless to humans.

Its’ part of the Orb Weaver group which makes the most intricate webs.  Like the yellow and black spiders that are commonly found in blackberry bushes.  So we relocated her to the Manzanita bush in my backyard.  Hopefully she will be happier there and won’t have to keep rebuilding her home that would have been destroyed often by me walking through it.



Around the house

I am itchin for something to do since I got pretty much all of it done while on vacation.  I am thinking about ripping the flowers out in the front and planting some flower bush type plants and more snapdragons.  I love snapdragons, they are so pretty.  I will keep a few of the flowers, but the rest will go.

The Dirt Patch in the back of the house is no longer the dirt patch.  It is the happy place for the frogs, birds and insects.  It's also my happy place to go outside and just chill.  Some of the flowers are still growing, but it looks much better than it did before.

It finally happened.  I'm out of room.  All 6 towers are full and they are now having to be housed in a box until I figure something out.  I can order more towers through Ikea, but have to go to the store to do it then go pick them up from the warehouse somewhere locally.  But I have no reason to go to Ikea at this moment in my life aside from the cd towers.    So I will wait until I have a reason to go to Ikea and then will order the towers at that time.

I'm about to set up my Redneck Paradise again.  You know the kiddie pool with the sand chair in it so after work I can grab a cold something to drink and go sit in the pool. But I will wait until the weather gets warmer.  Right now, the weather is beautiful and just perfect.  Wish all summer could be like this.